And they all lived happily ever after in his home town … When the Bachelorette Moves for Love


Everyone should have a secret or two. Here is one of mine, sometimes I watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. Not regularly, and usually not an entire episode, but over the years I’ve probably seen my fair share of glittery dresses, accusations of fakery and loooong pauses before roses are doled out. It’s fun, its full of drama and even though the point is to find a life partner/bestfriend/soulmate in a few short months on national television, it all looks a bit like a vacation. Sure, there are tears and triumphant declarations of love, but the same sentiments are expressed so often on the show, a show where few couples have actually made it, that it is hard to take everything seriously.

These Bachelor/ette shows have faced a certain amount of (often deserved) criticism over the years. Many of the viewers probably do not pay much attention to it – after all, it is the viewing equivalent of eating cupcakes, no matter how many times they remind us that it is serious for those involved! However, there is one conversation that gets me every time. And it always comes up, usually around home-town weeks when the contestants suitors take the Bachelorette home to meet the family. This trip sparks the inevitable conversation about where the blissful pair will live after everyone else is sent packing. And it usually goes something along the lines of:

Guy:    Hey, do you think you can handle moving to (my town) after we get engaged?

Girl:     Absolutely/Sure/Yes/Probably/I think so

Why is the woman always moving?! At first I thought maybe whoever is the Bachelor/Bachelorette gets to stay in their town, and any contestant that ‘wins’ moves? Not so. (See Ashley & JP). Then I thought maybe whoever has the strongest family ties in one place stays? No. (See Emily & Brad, she moved with her daughter). Perhaps whoever has the most settled career? (This season Andi talked over moving to Iowa, but I’m guessing she didn’t have an attorney’s license in that state yet).

I do not know any of these people, so perhaps they all had great reasons for making the moving decisions that they did. I’m not judging individual couples for their decisions – do what works – but thinking over the seasons I’ve seen, there is a pattern. And of course someone will have to move – if you throw together two dozen single people from across the country, they are bound to be from geographically diverse locations. I also haven’t seen every season (whew) so maybe there was a guy who moved for the girl, I’m just saying it doesn’t happen often on this show.

Here is the thing about last night’s Bachelorette finale, it is the first one that circumvented the entire issue of who will move, and where, and why, and when. (Actually, maybe it isn’t the first, but I’m not a reality tv historian, so…) Andi and her beloved are actually from the same city, as was mentioned on the show.  This led to a lot of sneaking around in wigs, and secret dates over the last few weeks, because even though they are engaged they had to maintain radio silence for ABC. This is either cute, or giving you flashbacks to that 11th grade boyfriend your parents didn’t like. The point is, she chose someone from her home town, so no one had to move. That will probably make it easier in the long run. It will also evades the first big, real decision that most Bachelor/ette couples face after the cameras are off.

Maybe it’s a coincidence. Perhaps I just happened to watch every season where its the woman packing her suitcases at the end, as they ride into the sunset. Kidding aside, I don’t know why the shows end this way – maybe ABC only casts women who dislike their home cities, maybe women on the Bachelorette are more willing to compromise, or maybe they feel like they are expected to?

Something to think about next season.



How can I ever thank you … Moving in Summer Heat

The Philadelphia area has had a heat advisory in effect for several days.  Temperatures top out in the mid to high 90ies daily.  I sweat just standing in the shade.  So, naturally, this is the week I move to a new apartment.

The plan was to move apartments in the Spring.  A Spring move would have been balmy and relaxed.  However, the search for a new place is often fraught with unforeseen hurdles, such as limited availability, and need to book a freight elevator far in advance.  So instead, here we are in July, heat radiating off the sidewalk, humidity billowing through the apartment being slowly vacated one heavy box at a time. 

In addition to my husband, I coaxed my sister and mother into helping (actually they did not require very much coaxing at all).  There is sort of an etiquette when it comes to moving.  Here are situations where you obligate to help someone move:

  • You are immediate family and you live within driving distance of said move.
  • You are a close friend and the person moving helped you move within the last year.
  • You are a close friend and you are going to ask the person moving to help you move soon.

My mom fits into the first category and my sister is both first and second, so they were stuck.  No one likes moving, especially in summer and especially when it is someone else’s stuff.  However, there is nothing … and I mean nothing … that can make someone indebted to you like assisting is a horrible, hot, sticky move.  And I’m guilty of forcing my nearest and dearest to participate in many such moves over the years. 

I’ve moved a lot (though never very far) and each time I’ve gotten a little better at it.   I’ve learned not to put all your hardcover and text books into one box – heavy.  Don’t move during rush hour – lengthy.  Try to move somewhere with a lift – avoids many trips up the stairs.  Also, label your boxes. And the one thing that I re-learn every time is that moving is not fun, but having people to help is wonderful!

Maybe next time I will invest in movers!